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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {